Eating Good In the NeighborHood Volume III (The Conclusion)

Sup niggas, it’s the pharaoh coming back at you again. I know it’s been a minute, I’ve been putting this one off for quiet some time, but thanks to a certain female friend of mine constantly reminding me to post this and stop being lazy,( @stupefiant_)here today, I present, E.G.I.T.N. 3. If this is your first time reading one of my blogs, I suggest you read the  two others first as they all build off of each other. For those of you that have been following me since the first blog, you already know it’s time for dat disclaimer den imma drop deez bombs over baghdad.

 

 

*Disclaimer* 

 In no way, shape , or form am I claiming to be the best at cunninglus, however, with the techniques and knowledge I possess I’ve managed to give each and every woman who I’ve preformed the act on an exceptional experience. Now that that’s out the way let’s get to it.

 

 

Still the key to remember:

Alot of people get caught up in these “advanced” ways to eat pussy, but honestly it’s just complicating something so simple. Just use the following guidelines and you’ll be okay.

 

1. Always start off slow.

 Every woman’s sensitivity level is different. Some will have multiple orgasms off simple brain dead no variation tongue techniques, some will require a little bit more to get them to there destination. If you start off showing her your best trick and she still needs more to cum, what do you have to fall back on? In her eyes you’ll be just another brotha who talks a good game that can’t deliver. As stated in previous blogs, it’s an art, a gradual buildup. Tease her, talk nasty to her, make her beg you for it. If you need further elaboration with that see the following blog : http://illustratedignorance.wordpress.com/2013/06/03/eating-good-in-the-neighborhood-volume-i/

 2. Keep a steady rhythm

No matter how good the technique is, if you can’t keep it up it’s worthless. You ever been gettin some righteous head/box from a shorty and you’re about to bust and then she stops/ or moves and it throws everything off? That’s what’s going on here for the ladies when you start something great and then stop.  Rather than starting, and stopping multiple times, fine a easy rhythm you can keep up and build up from that as needed. 

3. Keep The Patience

Not ever girl you run into is gonna be a porn star that can cum at will every 30 seconds. You’ve got to be willing to be able to put that work in to make your girl happy. Have confidence in your abilities, keep a steady rhythm and mix it up every so often, she will cum. All she needs is for you to show that you’re in charge and that you can take her there. 

4. Sync your moves with her breathing 

When you’re really eating it right, most women aren’t able to speak properly, or at all. However, a single slip up or technique switchup can kill her entire vibe and you’ll lose ALL that progress you’ve made trying to get her to cum. Just follow the simple rule of thumb. When her breathing is steady, switch up the technique, when her breathing increases, know you’ve found the spot and keep that steady tempo that you’re at. Her breathing will tell you when/if you need to increase the tempo or deviate to something a little more advanced.

 

Temperature manipulation (Eating with Heat)

Haha.. Part II I brought you the ice variant of this temperature manipulation trick and I’m sure you niggas have been taking full advantage of it. To which I salute you all, but winter coming(who really wants to get ate with ice in the winter?), and your girl is probably getting used to it, so let’s switch it up shall we. I recommend saving this for a cold day, but feel free to use this at any point in time.

What you’ll need:

A bowl

Two towels

Something to cut a slit in the towels

Warm- Hot water

 Okay, so this one isn’t as easy prep wise as the ice variant, but she’ll thank you for it. Take the towels and cut slits in the middle of both. Fill a decent sized bowl with hot water, and let both towels just soak for a couple minutes. Now your girl down on the bed whatever. Sit the bowl closeby and undress her(yeah you could let her undress herself, but… just do as I say. It’ll make her pussy wetter) Lay her back and grab one of the towels, ring it out all the excess water from the joint and put it on her pussy. By now the purpose of cutting in the middle of the towels should be clear, you’re gonna line up the slit with hers and taste her as the heat massages and relaxes her pussy. You really don’t even have to much since the heat is gonna do most of the work for you, but if you don’t want to just cake walk through it do the following.  With both hands on the towel, make your tongue stiff and trace her slit up and down. Every detail, just trace that joint, centimeter for centimeter, work your way up from her slit to her clit planting kisses as you go. From her clit repeat the process and go downward dip your tongue in & tongue fuck her for a couple strokes after every complete cycle. From there you can literally just freestyle it and do whatever you want. You can LITERALLY do no wrong at that point(just don’t bite her too hard or use excess teeth). When the towel gets too cool, swap it out and continue the onslaught on her pussy until she cums. After she’s done shaking and all that, pat yourself on the back, drop em and kill it.

If you really want to take it there, you can use towels and add heat and when she least expects it, pull out a cup of ice and give her the best of both worlds. Suck her clit with the ice while the heat does it’s thing. Be prepared for alot of I love you’s and such.

 

The pungent tasting vagina work around:

Some of us aren’t fortunate enough to have the woman with the pussy that doesn’t have an taste/ mild taste. While it’s usually against my code to eat too pungent tasting vagina’s, some of you might actually be in love with a woman of such a quality so… here it goes.

 

The workaround actually kills two birds in 1 stone. 

 

If you’re a fan of jollyranchers(hard candy version) just purchase a bag before you eat it. Slip one in your mouth and it nullifies all tastes of she. Now you can really put your whole effort into it. Since it’s a hard candy, you can use it like ice(in a way) and do all the same tricks with it.  Credits to @thatniggavontae for this (now shut the fuck up faggot)

 

Workaround 2:

Same principle as above, cept we’re using mentos. The key difference here is, because it’s a mint it adds a tingling sensation to your mouth work(really great for stimulating her clit even more). 

 

 

And that concludes the series folks. I realize I didn’t cover alot of shit like eating with honey/whipped cream, but that’s grandpa shit and it’s damn near a common practice now. Will there be another one? Well I can’t really say for now, I think I’ll just sit back and let y’all enjoy this one for a while, and when you least expect it…… Ha. Anyways, hopefully this was worth the wait, if not, so? Anyways, I’m out. Feel free to leave a comment or whatever. 

 

Love

 

-Pharaoh 

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Eating Good In the NeighborHood Volume II

Sawp niggis. Volume II and shit. In Volume I  we went over the art of eating the boxed lunch, now we’ll go over different tricks and variations you can use to further increase your tongue  game. Yeah, I know you’re a pro and shit now, but too much of the same thing can get a lil stale, so shut the fuck up and listen once again. Anyways,  y’all know the drill, disclaimers, then Imma share my knowledge with y’all. So.. yeah..

*Disclaimer* 

 In no way, shape , or form am I claiming to be the best at cunninglus, however, with the techniques and knowledge I possess I’ve managed to give each and every woman who I’ve preformed the act on an exceptional experience. Now that that’s out the way let’s get to it.

 

FaceRiding:

By far the best way to eat pussy in my opinion.  You can take this either two routes.

 

The first is you basically just let your girl use your tounge and lips how she wants to stimulate herself.  You literally just hold your tongue out and she does the rest. Shit will get you results about 4/10 times, but some girls just like to be in control when it comes to this so it’s useful to have as a backup I guess.

The second:(preferred method)Basically your girl crouches over your face and plants her pussy on your face and you go to work. As usual, it’s a gradual buildup so start off slow. Have her sit on your chest and kiss on her pussy, take each lip and suck on em. Be sure to roll your tongue across/around em while they’re in your mouth, it’ll get a nice lil reaction or purr out of her. Once you’ve had your fun teasing her with this scoot her up further and place her pussy directly over your mouth and start lickin her slit with long “passionate”(slow) licks. Every so often penetrate her pussy slowly with your tongue and tounge fuck her for a bit, sampling her love juices then go right back to them passion licks. If she isn’t already grinding on your face smack her ass(while you’re doing it), palm it and move her up and down against your mouth until she gets the picture. So now at this point you’re slow lickin, she’s grinding against you at a difference pace, you got her where you want her. Speed up your lickin. If she’s really feelin it she’ll be squirmin and shit(if she isn’t squirmin don’t sweat it some girls have higher tolerances than others), hook your arms under her thighs and hold her lil ass down. That right there is gonna drive her crazy, but don’t lose focus or let her thrashing around distract your tongue lashings on her slit. By now you should be able to tell if you should continue your efforts or move to the next phase. If she’s saying “don’t stop”, or she goes quiet and starts shaking then got damn it don’t you stop! The most common mistake a man makes when eating pussy is switchin from something that’s working unintentionally for fear of seeming “boring”  to the woman. If she’s seeming like she wants more find her clit and add alternate between suckin on that and lickin her slit. Eventually she’ll cum hard. Fair warning though, to do this successfully you’ll need to evolve from the need of air.. so next time you’re in the pool hold your breath for as long as possible. Keep doing so till you can at least hit a minute.

Eating From The Back:

Shit is dope. In this position her pussy is look all extra succulent and fat. This is probably the easiest way to eat it, and is great if you prefer to just attack her clit rather than lick od. For this one I just suck on her clit and do some figure 8’s on it counterclockwise and clockwise adding some licking (of her slit and clit in every now and then). Pretty straight forward.

 

Eating with Ice:

My personal favorite way of eating. You use take any type of ice, cubed,crushed, big long ass ice cubes don’t matter. Start off just holding a few pieces in your mouth right on your tongue . The goal here is to get your tongue as cold as possible. Once you feel like you’ve got this pop a fresh piece in your mouth and walk up behind her and kiss her on her shoulders(yes with ice in your mouth) as you kiss turn it into a french kiss/hickey. Do the same with her neck and continue down her body. This will get her pussy nice and ready for what  you’re about to do.  It’s important to note that during this you should ALWAYS have  piece of your ice in your mouth throughout the duration of this. Meaning the moment that joint melts pop a new one.

Now that her pussy is all wet and ready to go pop a fresh piece in your mouth and guide it directly to her slit. Use your tongue to control it. It’ll be melting pretty quick due to the amount of heat coming off her pussy so keep the cup of ice nearby so you can have a continuous supply and don’t ruin the moment. tongue the ice up and down her slit, rotate it in slow broad circles around her clit, and right behind both actions wrap your mouth around it. The heat from your mouth + the cold of the ice will literally have her going insane, but don’t stop there! Just as the ice is about to melt and you’re about to add another to your mouth, push the dwindling piece into her pussy and let it melt in her insides. Not only will it feel good to her, but when the ice melts and the water + the combination of her pussy juice drips from her it’ll be the sexiest thing ever. Once you feel like she’s had enough, drop the ice and eat her pussy regular to finish up the job. When it’s all over you’ll have yourself one soaked and happy woman. Again, pat yourself on the back, drop em and kill it.

 

Volume III coming soon and shit… #Cathedral

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Eating Good In the NeighborHood Volume I

Ight niggas so  here it is. The intermediate guide to eatin the pussy properly(making your girl  cum), if this gets enough notice i’ll release volumes 2 & 3 respectively. Before I get into the proceedings let me hit y’all with this quick disclaimer.

*Disclaimer* 

 In no way, shape , or form am I claiming to be the best at cunninglus, however, with the techniques and knowledge I possess I’ve managed to give each and every woman who I’ve preformed the act on an exceptional experience. Now that that’s out the way let’s get to it.

 

The Key To Remember:

Start off slow.This is an art that you’re preforming, act like it. Rather than jumping right into it, hit her with some foreplay. Hit her with some shit you ain’t never done before, hit her with some dirty talk. Tell her all the shit you wanna do to her, make sure it’s hella graphic and clear what you want to do. That alone should have her pussy sending wet trails down her thighs, but if she needs a little more just focus on the foreplay a bit more. Teasing is key. Make her want it,no, make her beg for it. Just as you’re about to down, go back up,suck her titys a bit more keep her guessing. The unpredictable pattern of your actions will only aid in her arousal and we all the more a woman is aroused= the wetter her treasure. Continue your assault, trace the insides of her thighs with your mouth and french kiss all the way to her outer lips leaving a trail of hickeys on your explored territory. Repeat on the other side.

 


Step two:

You talked a good game, now back it up with confidence. Nothing is more sexy to a woman with a nigga with some confidence in himself/ his abilities. After reading this guide you’ll know exactly what to do,show the shit. 

 

The Gusto:

Now that you have got her nice and wet and she’s ready for some tounge/ dick it’s a cakewalk from here. Again, still you’re building. So with that get down there and slip a finger into her. You don’t even have to do all that serious finger fuckin just stroke her real slow and stir her. (When I say stir I mean basically rotate your finger in a small circular motion inside. Picture yourself stirring a pot of macaroni (sounds stupid, works greatly)). By now her pussy should be nice and soaked, take your finger out and make her suck it first then you suck it.(continuing with doing shit you have never done before). Now after you both finished tasting her love juices pop two fingers in her and do a VERY slow come here motion inside her.As you’re doing so start planting kisses, outlining her pussy. Keep up the slow motion  fingering as you begin to kiss/suck on her outer lips. After a bit of this work your way to her clit and wrap your lips around that lil mauh fawka and give it a slight suck(continuing the teasing).Start licking that clit real slow at first, and gradually increase you speed respectively increasing the speed of your fingers to match.  After a bit of this go back to suckin on her clit( avoids her getting used to it/ over stimulating the clit) but all the while continue finger fuckin the shit out of her.  By this point her hand should be on the back of your head holdin you in place  with her thighs wrapped ad around you in a headlock. At this point it’s only a matter of time until she’s cummin. Pull out all the stunts.  Wrap your lips around her clit once again and do figure 8’s(basically you drawl  the number 8 on her  clit as fast as you can with your tounge multiple times)as you finger fuck her as deep as you can, suck the life out of her clit. When she starts panting heavy and her back arches and she draws that last breath, you know you’ve accomplished the deed, pat yourself on the back, drop em and kill that pussy.   

 

Volume 2 With more techniques coming soon. 

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The Manipulation 2

I got that better love, that no one better love, that here today gone tomorrow but this forever love
Let me mine you until your vagina is wet enough and fill your mind with pleasant thoughts
Champaign by your tub, rose pedals as she walk, you know the floor don’t need to see you
I got that good stroke, come be my Mona Lisa
You see, them other guys pay their mind to your physical features
And I can admire your body but your mind is much deeper
And I found me a keeper, and I found me a winner, and I found me a queen
What we eatin’ for dinner? You know I cook it and clean it and do whatever for you
Black mother of the earth you know I forever owe you
I would never ignore you ‘cause I’m forever loyal
Let’s fall in love, let me put my seed in your soil
See it’d be an honor to create life with you; can I lay right with you? And wake you up with light kisses?
Good mornin’ sunshine, see the more I see your eyes is the more that I admire you
Whenever you tired I be right there beside, the pillow talk and confide, make your secrets all mine
May I sleep between your thighs and wake up deeply in your heart?
And you’re mindful forever and repeat when we get up
I ain’t even gonna front girl I think you is the one, so let’s fall asleep with the moon and I will greet you with the sun

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